You’ll fall in love with him before the Levi’s advertisement ends. Images of his grace will flicker through your mind; his movements in tune with your darkest desires.
Slow, sustained and meticulous in the gold of the morning sun; swift and nimble when your husband comes home unexpectedly.
He’s always in a hurry, he’s never in a hurry. He’s crafty one minute, clumsy the next. He’s a man of science – centre of gravity – and a man of commerce (you try corporate without pants on). He’s a struggler. Perseverance is his middle name.
People laugh at him all the time. But he’s a man of principle. For him, life is about doing it right; for only when he believes this will others follow suit. For only when people WANT TO DO IT RIGHT, will the human race ever get anywhere. He’s a visionary. He’s a crusader. His battle never makes it to the front page.
In the middle, he loses out to editors who strip politicians. At the back, one-piece swimsuits mock his very existence.
His life is no fairy-tale, but he’s not one to fall flat on his back. Every morning, in one rapid movement, he will account for the holiday weight, master breathing, do a cabriole and buckle his alligator of the day.
You’ll wonder how much effort goes into his pyrotechnics but his simplistic mind has only one pressing thought – left first, or right?
That’s how uncomplicated the world is to a guy who puts on his pants one leg at a time. Twenty fitness freaks will cycle past you every morning. One day, you’ll see them crash.
He will walk past the scene, cool as an Eskimo, and perform a right leg split squat because post-workout-stretching. He is a funny dude.
Date a guy who puts on his pants one leg at a time because time spent with him is never boring. His priorities are always sorted and his mind is always at ease. The best of his character is, hence, always reserved for you.
Ever seen the guy from the “date a guy who writes” article? Working hard to change the ribbons on his typewriter, whilst simultaneously punctuating twenty-three people’s WhatsApp conversations and changing his blog’s name to stay in sync with
Chetan Bhagat’s column the latest developments of the writing club.
That guy will tell you he loves you in a million different languages. Don’t date him, because Idea internet jab lagaaving, India ko no ullu banaaving.
Date a guy who puts on his pants one leg at a time. He will love you in a million different ways and you will never have to worry about him leaving early next morning. He isn’t a shallow, obnoxious guy who just wants to get into your pants; for him, life is more about easing into his own.
He’ll never judge your choices or walk out on you. What’s important to you is important to him. To this end, his flat-fronts and khakis are ever-ironed, waiting to be appropriately donned. Which is more than you can say of Mr. Date-a-guy-who-travels. Pants are mere luggage to him and in all probability, so are you.
So date a guy who puts on his pants one leg at a time, because he is respectful. Even if you are a mermaid aficionado.
He won’t make extravagant vows, dramatic proposals, take you to Kargil for a romantic getaway or buy you ten Burger King branches as a wedding gift. He’ll buy you a ring and celebrate in modesty.
And in return, he will only ask for one little thing – the exact height of the carpet so that he never has to twist an ankle.
Date a guy who puts on his pants one leg at a time. Date a guy who puts on his pants one leg at a time. Date a guy who puts on his pants one leg at a time. Date him, GOD DAMN IT!*